Fur The Love of Fostering

This senior distinguished gentleman is Cole. He is my Aunt and now deceased Uncle’s dog. He is deaf and almost completely blind but still manages to find a treat when you throw it like he has the nose of a coonhound.

I never truly appreciated the level of sadness an animal experiences when they lose their human because I had never been in direct witness of it until now. I was aware of it of course through the fostering world but first hand experience wasn’t something I ever expected to see and I can say confidently I am forever changed because of it.

This year my family had all the hopes of leaving COVID behind in 2021 until we were directly impacted by the loss of an amazing family member, my wonderful Uncle Norm in the beginning of 2022. This man was a son, brother, husband, father, uncle, grandfather and so much more to many people. He had the most amazing giggle when he was up to no good which was often. Our grief and sadness has been unmeasurable while we try to heal from this loss before what we would consider one’s natural time.

As I temporarily resided with my now widowed Aunt during my two week visit, besides watching my family work through the stages of their sorrow, my Uncle Norm’s dog, Cole, has given me the eye opening and heart wrenching reality of what someday my own dear companions could experience. And with this new perspective I am determined to ensure that I will do everything in my power to ease their suffering and ensure their care.

I first noticed it when I would enter the room, Cole would stand up from his spot on the floor and walk towards me then abruptly he would turn away to find his spot again. I don’t remember when exactly the realization hit me, but it dawned on me that I was not who he was looking for and at that exact moment, I could see his distress. He was looking for his best pal, my Uncle. I had been so absorbed in my own grief that I hadn’t even thought to look for his. Cole would do this with so many who came by only to appear to have the same realization and the body language of a very disappointed pup as he turned away again and again.

His appetite would wane throughout the day to the point where it would get to be supper time and he still hadn’t touched his wet food waiting in the bowl. Understanding he wasn’t my dog and I was an abnormal part of his day to day, I didn’t interfere but remained watchful. My Aunt would talk to him about how he needed to eat and eventually he would eat. I don’t want to even imagine what it would have been for him if my dear Aunt had not been there to restore some semblance of normalcy. At this moment and time, she was the bravest person I have ever known to still be standing herself.

Cole was more grumbly vocal with some individuals that he tended to be with on a normal basis when they approached him, sending them a clear message that he was not happy. One instance his protest became so intense that everyone in the room looked at him in disbelief. In the end everyone did the right thing by honoring his requests for attention or solitude.

When my Aunt would leave the house, he would pace and pace and pace. He would ask to go outside multiple times and look for her until he had to come back inside because it was so cold outside. He would become progressively vocal, whining for her a little louder each time until he would put himself into a pant.

Unsure of how I should proceed to be of assistance to Cole being a foreign individual to the home, I ensured to do some research on the topic as I was uneducated in this situation as how to best handle myself for Cole. All research across the board was consistent in their suggestions so I went immediately applied them to myself understanding that some may be what Cole needed and some may not be.

I found the most helpful thing was to avoid sitting in my Uncle’s chair, although I can’t tell you whether that was for me emotionally more than him or vise versa. But either way I knew that I needed to ensure I was in the right head space for him and sitting in that chair was not going to allow that. So I established a “spot” where I would consistently be in the living room to create a simulation of physical consistency.

When Cole would approach me anywhere in the house, I would always say “Hey there Big Guy” in the same consistent mellow tone to create a key word even though he is deaf. Deaf individuals still can feel the vibrations so my thoughts are that a dog can too. And if all else fails, he would be able to smell my breath when I talk to recognize me. Thank goodness I remembered my toothbrush!

When my Aunt had to leave the house I would ensure to sneak out to the kitchen for a bit of this or that and eat it so Cole would be distracted by the smell of food. I will neither confirm nor deny if he also was able to partake in a little tidbit of that hard salami but I can honestly state he and I definitely matched in equally in excitement of all the goodies being brought to Aunt Pam’s house. So much for losing that 20 pounds but oh man oh man she makes the best cookies and to hell with being slimber as long as those cookies exist within my reach. After I got my snack I would go sit in my designated spot, put on relaxation themed songs on my Spotify and stay until my Aunt got back home to ensure Cole wouldn’t feel alone.

As the house settled down from the increased flow of visitors to a more steady trickle, the daily routine seemed to take place for the house at which Cole was more familiar and his stress seemed to ease a little although I am positive he did miss the extra love, attention and familiarity of his extended family. I would ensure to offer him a pet here or there if he wanted and only engage if welcomed understanding that I am for all purposes a stranger to him so it has to be on his terms. It didn’t take long for him to identify I have amazing butt scratching skills available on demand.

At the conclusion of my stay, I will say that I have a renewed perspective as to how loss can impact all in our lives and the need to really advocate not only for the safety to mourn loss and heal for my human family members but their companions as well. I wish I could say that I will never have to see this again but as COVID has taught so many of us, there is no guarantee to one’s life span. Cherish every day not only your human family but yours and their companions as well. And fur the love, make sure there is a plan in place for them as well because as I have witnessed, they do experience grief too.