Fur The Love of Fostering

When people find out that I foster, the two most common statements I receive are the following:

“NO way I could do what you do. I would come home with a new animal every day!”
“There is NO way I could bare the pain of constantly having to let them go.”

These statements are typically known as rebuttals, which as you can guess are statements people make to ensure they can avoid a specific action by reiterating to themselves and/or you that they do not have the ability or capacity to commit to a specific action. I’m super familiar with this because I use rebuttals ALL the time to ensure I don’t have to attend social functions past 5 pm because this gal likes to be in bed by 7:30 pm to ensure her best self.

What I find interesting is that many times people will make these statements without my prompting for their participation. I wonder if they think I am going to instantly go into a greasy car salesman mode and try to trap them into an 8-year-old model at a 14% APR with twice the mileage and an oil leak I’m trying to hide by parking it on the grass. But hey!….look at the custom interior! Slowly hands over the keys……

Respecting one’s personal reasons is very important to me and NO means NO, right? Well, no, not always. I have learned that NO can sometimes mean that I am being trusted with a little snippet of their own life story and even insecurities on the topic at which point it’s so important to me that they are not made to feel shamed for doing so. Remember, it’s OK to be human, know your own limits and act in the best interest of those limits for yourself. Fostering isn’t for everyone and that is OK. Just because one isn’t doing what I am doing doesn’t mean they don’t contribute in all the ways I am not or cannot or that I don’t respect them.

I do, however, try to take the time to truly listen and relay how I personally dealt with the same rebuttals in my own life prior to becoming a foster as an eye-opener to a method that might work for them should they ever choose to foster. Understanding that it may never come to that for them but wanting them to know that they are not alone, have support, that working through rebuttals is hard work and was even for me. Yeah, I am a person and have all the drama too. Don’t even get me started on raising teenage girls! The literal mess the main bathroom is in ALL the time is enough to make a ferret sneeze in disgust!

So, let me tell you how I worked through mine starting with “I couldn’t do what you do. I would come home with a new animal every day!” Well, in the world of fostering that is kinda the point! I get to bring them home, as often as I want and as many as I want. It doesn’t mean I have to keep them, and trust me, you find your limit pretty quick as to how many you can handle at a time. Everyone thinks they can handle the 8 puppies who momma whelped in their garage….and then you have them and you did handle it but wow what an eye-opener looking back. Would I do it again? Heck yeah! But only as a last resort would I offer and only in the summer because I am not properly equipped to do that kind of fostering in the cold months without the help of my family. There, limit set.

That rebuttal feeds directly into the next “There is NO way I could bare the pain of constantly having to let them go.” This is an honest fear. The pain is real and it’s there every time but knowing what would have happened to them if I did not offer a home for them to learn, heal and grow to become adoptable, is a far more painful thought. So, if I have to choose the pain over letting go and the other option for them, I choose to foster. And, hey, it’s not all bad! Let’s not forget about that part where you first see the adopter’s eyes light up and practically convert into bubble hearts at the first sighting of their little companion to be. Or when you get be a part of and witness the surprise puppy adoption the husband let you help plan for his beloved and dear wife who has been yearning for a puppy of her own for years. Or when you bond with the adopter and end up over at their place for drinks and to swim in the pool while your kids hang out and play with the fuzzy. Those moments send such joy to your heart and will forever be the moments that reiterate to me that its OK for me to keep letting go.

My hope is that listening to what is behind the NO, can lead to a potential conversational gateway to show others that I am not so different than them. Just because I choose to foster, doesn’t mean I am super human with a large heart who has boundless energy and time with fairy dust in her fingertips. I fail, struggle, depend on others, use resources and have to set limits too. My hope is that if they ever choose to hop into fostering maybe I can be a help to them as well to understand they are not alone in everything they fear and are about to go through.

We in the fostering realm are here for you, thank you for everything you are already doing no matter how minimal or maximum it is viewed because every bit counts, we recognize your efforts and love having conversations with you. Thank you for all you do, and remember, its OK to be human. We are too.